obligatory sheep post on half yearlies

Having gotten my half-yearlies back, I think it has finally sunk into me just how much work I need to actually put in, if I want to even break into the post 415 aggregate range. I guess I honestly haven't been taking this whole HSC thing seriously. That is, seriously enough to push myself to complete set homework and rarely enough, write some notes.
Everyone has standards, but I guess the most amusing thing is that I have such high standards, that if I told you, you would most definitely laugh at me. I don't know if it is due to my subtle elitism, or the fact that I constantly compare myself to where I could be ( sydney boys/tech ) but I realise that my 'standards' are so stupidly high that I don't think I will ever be able to reach them.
And it freaks me out now.

The first set of marks was extension 2 maths, in our offline class. To be honest, I have varying expectations to how good/bad I went in the test. I knew I lost at least 10.. but the actual mark somewhat surprised me, even though it shouldn't have.
I sat in my seat sweaty, realisation that this is the all important give it all or nothing year, anxiously waiting for a positive start to the day. Indeed, when Rawson gave out the marks - question by question - I had this bubble of hope inside me that I might have actually done well in a maths test (sidenote. No matter who leads you to believe, I've been flunking maths ever since I came into this school..or ever since year 8 actually). I don't know about you...but having all my high school life to used to being shown percentages of 60% - 70% isn't exactly the greatest thing in the world ( I guess I just got used to it..), and adding it up to total 60/75...I felt somewhat satiated. It was almost underwhelming in a sense, as I didn't know what I should have been expecting. What was encouraging is that I lost marks for "missing steps in working out" HURR, and that, even though it felt like it at the time, marks weren't lost because I lacked the ability to do questions, but rather they were attributed to many many silly mistakes.

I'm not even proud to say extension 2 was my highest mark, but it was. The ball dropped for me 2 periods in a row. First, economics, my forte, my 'free 2 units'...turned out so very very wrong. I was literally on the verge of tears when I grabbed my paper. 52/70.
The day didnt end there with english to push me to the edge. Everything was already in the back of my mind anyway, and I knew that I would receive not so pleasant marks for my speech ( 13/20 ) but what always pisses me off is that I always get positive comments.. which doesn't exactly HELP AT ALL. To be honest, I was feeling good about english, in that the speech could be balanced out by the written section. 5/10 for the extended response. HURR. I totalled 21.25/30 or 35/50. ( 17/20 for short story ).
Once you pop, you can't stop. Physics.. don't even want to say anything. A bashing by both Brian and Kaushalya ( then followed by a more-than triumphant Stephen ) didn't exactly send a positive signal to my brain. " What the hell man, whats wrong with you. You work so hard! What happened? Why do you keep doing this. Mr Zhang is going to kill you. " etc etc. Shhh Brian... I know =( 31.5/50
Extension one..hahah heres a funny thing. We have like a trio thing going on between Lawrence Vincent and I. Vincent doesnt do extension 2 maths, and yet has beaten both me and lawrence in EVERY single maths test. hmmm.... 42/60.

lol...going to get band 6 for anything now. wtf.