I don't have dreams

I'm sitting on the bus as usual thinking about things that don't matter. My mind wonders about the lives of other people, what they are doing, and what its like to live like them.
I'm sitting on the bench at Glenfield station, sitting in the shade, the box. A couple sits across me, being somewhat affectionate. I fly lands on the guys legs. He is holding some sort of folder, kind of like the folder you get when you get you Ls. Anyway, he swats the fly angrily, as if all his problems came from it. He looks about 20, or possibly only 18, then again, their kind is just the big kind. I'm wondering what they are doing, outside of school, if still in school. Wondering where they get their money from, if they had a job, and what job they could get. I consider where I get my money, a secret stash, hidden away from the taxable nature of my mum.
I'm wondering about my future. Seeing them just having so much free time, bumming around like that, I get nervous about what I would be doing after school. So much free time..Since I'm the kind of person who absolutely hates wasting time of any sort, it scares me to think about not knowing what to do. What could I do were I not in school? How can I even travel around or do anything without currency? Am I supposed to be preoccupied with work? or maybe a hobby...or stay at home..and do what? I thought about what I would do when I got home. Certainly not sleep. I don't believe in sleeping during the day. Its a waste of time. I like actually living.
So I'm on the bus, and a wave of sorrow drowns me. Its like turning the cold water on , moreso than the hot water in a shower, and a steady stream of chilling creeps through you top to bottom.
What if I don't become successful? I wonder back to thinking about travelling and having free time. I got this thought from all the cars parked outside Macarthur Square. It wouldn't be for the shoppers of course, no one in their right mind would park out there. All those cars are from people who work else where, travelling by train, maybe going all the way to the city, to the Northern parts of Sydney. I consider whether I would be doing such a thing in a few years time. Certainly, I'll be travelling all the way to the city for University, but I really do not like the feeling of travelling on public transport all my life. I really envied the kids who got dropped off at school..Contrastingly, I caught the bus to school all my life, save for a few occasions (2).
Northern Sydney...I want to be there. I'm looking at the sad faces of the people that I share Campbeltown with. I realise though, that most likely all of Sydney is no different. There are rich spots everywhere, for people who earn above average, who aren't earning a life support amount, but rather amounts with leisure. I want to be successful like them, but the truth I keep denying crawls back. When will you start being who you think you are?
He cries