x-gays

In other exciting news, turns out being a dumb cripple actually eats shit. Getting up from my computer seat and making my way around the house now, whether it be to go to the toilet, or getting food, or feeding the cat, or whatever else, gets me out of breath and is really slow and annoying. I wish I could shit right here in my seat. The doctor said I'd be fine in four-to-five days, which makes me slightly nervous, because I've got a gig to go to in about six days. WILL I MAKE IT? WILL I MANAGE TO HEAL UP IN TIME TO SEE HOWL AT MOUNTIES? AND GRINSPOON TOO EVEN THOUGH I DON'T REALLY CARE MUCH FOR THEM AND I'M ACTUALLY PAYING LIKE $33 TO SEE A BAND THAT NORMALLY PLAYS FOR LIKE $10? If someone else wrote a blog post like this, I probably wouldn't read it.

You might be thinking, hey Genvin, aren't you a gay little fag who always mindlessly spouts shit about the importance of keeping a Positive Mental Attitude and other queer shit like that? Yes, yes I am, which is why I have written up a quick guide on how to make the most of life with a slightly busted ankle. I know, srs bidnit.

1. Cripwalking.

Hee hee. Yeah, no, the humour comes in the fact that I can't. Cripwalk is Stephen's joke so I have to give him indie credits, because this is how we do around here. JUST A HEADS UP FOR ANYONE CONSIDERING BREAKING THEIR LEGS AND USING CRUTCHES - GETTING AROUND ON CRUTCHES ALL DAY ACTUALLY FUCKING HURTS YOUR HANDS MORE THAN ANYTHING. YOUR HANDS AND YOUR ARMPITS IF YOU'RE AN IDIOT LIKE ME AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE CRUTCHES PROPERLY. I AM GAY. If you're going to get a gift for a crippled friend, get them new wrists, because chances are, THEY HURT.

2. Sit around and cry all day about the lack of things to do.

Y'know what I could be doing today? LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD. FUCK MY GAY LITTLE LIFE